The list of thrilling uses and applications of the cannabis plant is one that humans have been adding to for thousands of years. You already know about marijuana’s many medical uses, it’s potency as a medicine for managing pain or treating epilepsy, and how hemp can be used to make everything from tampons to sports cars.
But what has weed done for your sex life, lately? Maybe you’ve consumed it before getting freaky with your partner—or partners?—but have you achieved tantric transcendence with it? Have you rubbed it on your breasts?
Here’s a list of the more innovative ways people have used weed for sexual (and sometimes sadistic) reasons throughout history.
1. Reducing the Pain of “Deflowering”
Despite Soviet prohibition, Russian women in the 1930s used cannabis mixed with lamb’s fat, or nasha, on their wedding night “to reduce the pain of defloration.”
Try to imagine the scene of a bevy of supple young virgins being sat down and told: “Listen, we’ve tried to make the men suck less at sex, but they’re going to keep barreling into you like drunken bowling balls. So put this weed gristle in your vagina, okay? And think of Mother Russia.”
2. Shrinking Vaginas
The internet has been abuzz lately with news of cannabis lubricants. Turns out women have been greasing up their gears with vagina marinades for centuries.
Women have employed marijuana to shrink their vaginas with “an ointment made by mixing hashish with tobacco.” And a cannabis tonic called “guckand” was used not only as an aphrodisiac, but also as an anesthetic for boys who were on the chopping block to be circumcised.
3. Weed Breast Cream
It sounds like a teenage boys weird fantasy: women rubbing cannabis ointments on their breasts. But women have been rubbing weed all over their breasts as far back as the 11th century, probably while listening to sexy slow jam lute music.
According to the book Medieval Herbal Remedies, women with swollen breasts were instructed to (again) combine weed with fat and rub it on the breast to ”disperse the swelling.” This same pot-boob marinade was also used in Germany and Austria in the 19th century to reduce pain.
4. Putting the ED in Weed
Don’t assume it’s only women who are having all the fun with cannabis. For men, weed is a well-documented treatment for impotence, aka erectile dysfunction.
In Uganda, where traditional healers abound and medicinal herbs are widely utilized, cannabis has been a go-to cure for ED for many years. It’s either chewed, smoked, or consumed in a tea, beer, or fermented porridge drink (the latter of which is popular due to the alcohol and weed combo).
5. Toke Your Way To Tantric Bliss
As far back as the seventh century, practitioners of Tantra—the ancient Hindu meditation that aims to “channel the divine energy of the macrocosm or godhead into the human microcosm”—have used weed to channel the energy of a different godhead, as well.
Weed was thought to prolong one’s arousal to herculean lengths, and some Tantric texts describe cannabis sex rituals lasting up to eight hours. These rituals didn’t stop until “a glow of fire enveloped the lovers in total-body orgasms, which resulted in erasure of mental ideations and ego, the timeless freedom from self which equals Nirvana.”
6. Chase Those STD’s Away
Yes, humans have a centuries-old history of treating sexually transmitted infections with cannabis. According to The Science of Marijuana, in Arab and Muslim India, cannabis has long been used as a treatment for gonorrhea.
In 17th-century Germany, a physician also concocted a weedy nutmeg drink as a remedy for the clap.
In the 1930s in the United States, folks simply started pouring the weed-drink right up their penises. Cannabis was marketed and sold as a tincture, and even came with its own “urethral pipes,” which you had to insert up to three times a day.
7. Cannabis Lube
Front door, back door, you name it. Witness today’s boom of marijuana lubricants; meaning, if you don’t know, weed you can put in your ass.
Comedian Margaret Cho fully endorses marijuana lube: “Pot puts me in touch with my body. … You can just really feel and enjoy what’s happening to you; it’s a great enhancement and a great aphrodisiac. … I think that people don’t connect sexuality and pot as much as they should. And the best thing: marijuana lube!”