Please stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Dennis Rodman, a cruel dictator, and a tech bro walk into a desperate country looking to make a buck. This joke does not exist. Instead, in real life, Dennis Rodman partnered with PotCoin, a digital form of money, to explore North Korea. Better yet, Rodman and the tech bro have sparked a diplomatic standoff. North Korea boasts extremely cheap weed prices but fears a dead marketplace. Clearly, Potcoin needs cash backers to make waves in the financial world. And (?) Dennis Rodman to lend credibility (?) to their cause. Still crunching the numbers on that…
Somewhere in the middle of chaos, we end up with Rodman’s envoy to a country that’s threatening the U.S. and its neighbors. Per The Verge:
Speaking to reporters in Tokyo, Under Secretary of State Thomas Shannon said that the US was aware of Rodman’s visit and that he is traveling as a private citizen. “We are aware of his visit. We wish him well,” Shannon said.
Just another day in American news, folks! Nothing to see here!
In sum, Dennis Rodman’s North Korea trip means the system broke down, and the disaster planning starts now. Seriously, the U.S. knows Rodman’s heading to North Korea and is all like ‘Oh, Dennis?! Yea, yea, cool beans’ as Kim Jong-Un fires death rays at our nearest coastline. Fun.
Respectfully, someone please come get Potcoin and let them know how terrible they are, and how one Dennis Rodman bender could ruin 300 million lives. A nuclear rogue out here firing warning shots and the most our diplomats can say is ‘We wish him well’? Indeed, nothing short of a full-time Rodman chaperone can right this fuckery ship. However innocent his motives, the Bulls champ simply can’t be trusted to not destroy chunks of humanity. So, ring the alarm. Only another three hours until he lands.